ORLANDO, Fla. – “Kids are too sensitive.”
“Doctors are over-diagnosing and over-prescribing mental illnesses.”
“The state is too involved in parents’ lives.”
“Parents let their kids get away with too much.”
Everyone has an opinion of what is wrong with today’s kids.
The only thing everyone agrees with though is that there is a problem. A crisis, in fact.
The Youth Risk Behavior Survey released last year by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found:
- 42% of high school students surveyed said they experienced feeling sad or hopeless almost every day for at least two weeks in a row, to the point where they stopped doing their usual activities
- 57% of female students had those feelings
- 69% of LGBTQ students had those feelings
- 29% experienced poor mental health
The youth mental health situation is so concerning that the Biden Administration focused on it during the president’s last State of the Union address, calling for more mental health funding and programs for schools.
But kids aren’t in school all the time, and sometimes the problem is in school — problems with schoolwork, problems with teachers and problems with social relationships.
[RELATED: How to get mental health help in Central Florida]
That means parents, now more than ever, need to be to know when their child needs extra help.
Dr. Marni Stahlman, president of the Mental Health Association of Central Florida, said that means watching out for the following six behaviors in your child:
- Inattention
- Hyperactivity
- Impulsivity
- Defiance
- Substance use
- Delinquency
“It’s incredibly normal for children to go through phases as they grow and develop. And the process of moving through phases means pushing limits,” Stahlman said.
However, even from a young age, Stahlman said there is a difference between pushing limits and engaging in behavior that is persistently disruptive.
What does that mean?
“It has to have at least impaired the child’s functioning at home and at school or in their social settings for at least six months,” Stahlman said.
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Stahlman said if a parent observes a combination of two or more of the behaviors above persistently for a long period, they should seek help from a medical professional.
And it may not be a mental health issue. It may be an underlying medical condition that has gone untreated.
For instance, Stahlman said a child who is inattentive, may be defiant, or misses a lot of school could have untreated diabetes. A child’s pediatrician should have the training to understand the difference.
“Most medical pediatricians are trying to do what we call collaborative care, to pay more attention to the mental health side when they come in for their physical,” Stahlman said.
What if it is a mental health issue? Stahlman said it’s up to parents to be persistent themselves, with open-ended questions to try and get their child to open up to them about their feelings.
“You have to be a little bit of a sleuth about how you frame your questions,” she said.
“It’s more than ‘How was your day?’” she added. “It’s, ‘I notice that you haven’t been sleeping well. Tell me why you’re having trouble going to sleep at night.’”
Stahlman said parents also need to do three things when trying to get their children to talk about their mental well-being:
- Stop saying, “Why did you do that?” Instead, ask what happened. Continue to ask open-ended questions that keep the child talking. “Just by changing question from ‘Why did you do that’ to ‘What happened’ is a completely different mindset for your kid,” Stahlman said.
- Shut up and listen. Just nod. “Because you will hear them say something, and you will want to fix it or control it,” Stahlman said. “You really have to just bite the inside of your cheek and sit there and listen and wait for them to finish.”
- Be vulnerable. Stahlman said this one is hard for parents but very important. Tell your children when you had a good day at work. Tell them when you had a bad day at work. “It helps them relate to you, and you relate back,” Stahlman said. “We all feel anxious, we all have good days and bad days, and as parents, we feel like we can’t show that.”
But remember – listen to them first. Then talk.
For more resources for parents regarding kids and mental health, check out these links:
- Tips for Parents — Mental Health America
- Learning to Help Your Child and Your Family — National Alliance for Mental Illness
- Children and Mental Health: Is This Just a Stage? — National Institute on Mental Health
- Mental Health Resources for Families — American Academy of Pediatrics
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